i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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