another moral hangover. fuck.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This baby is an asshole
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
