Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need moral support for this bender
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
