party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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