Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
