awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
