Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
