I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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