So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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