First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
