just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
