everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think your dad took our porno
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
