Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
