oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
