Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
