I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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