the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
