She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
