Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
