This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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