i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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