note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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