hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
