I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
