wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
