Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
