I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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