I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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