it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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