Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize