Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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