I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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