carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
