By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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