Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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