Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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