we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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