I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
