dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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