I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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