My hand turned me down
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
