Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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