At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
