I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
