I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
