Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
