Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
