Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
