A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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