When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
