Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
