So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
