It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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