Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
