Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
