I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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